Friday 7 August 2020

imitating Umberto Eco


chapter one : we meet our hero

Two items appeared some time apart in european and world newspapers . First item announced that CERN would see if tiny black holes could be created by colliding minute particles in their large Hadron Collider .The second told readers that a piece of bread inside the Collider had caused the experiment to fail. These news were some weeks apart. And were followed by a third story, speculating that a bird was to blame.

I have struggled through enough realist lectures to be considered well educated. Yet at CERN i had the feeling of being little more than an outstanding janitor. One day my phone murmured, and so i was summoned.

Assistant Director Max Zimmer folded his hands on the table, and told me; -" monsieur Miro,  what you have read in the newspapers was a fabrication; no bird dropped bread into the ventilation shaft. That bread was placed within our machine by a most meticulous human hand."  -"I am guessing half of Europe suspects as much" I answered lightly. Zimmer allowed a moment for this levity, then; -"Miro , we have decided that we want You to look into this, to find the saboteur. But to do so in an unobtrusive way. We want to keep it all within the close coil of our home. So to say.
What could I do? From clogged toilets to proofreading technical papers, a janitor must hop to, and get on the case.

chapter two : the List

that night, comfortable and snug in bed, I was looking at a list supplied to me. It presented a very summary description of the two scientists who each had the opportunity to sabotage the accelerator with bread. 
John Pushman worked with virus samples into which micromatter was diverted with highly energetic outcomes. He lived alone. 
Gerda Gutwel busied herself with a great literary work that would celebrate the advances made by science, with a special focus on the electric anthill that was CERN. Her apartment housed herself and two cats. 

chapter three: it is finished

I called my girlfriend one night. As I had done several times during my investigation. But tonight was different. What balm to hear her gentle and calm voice ; -"yes?" -"Mira it is me, I  solved it ; it was the woman who did it. I should have known it. She loves her cats. And was afraid for the safety of this world. So she choked the machine with a baguette before it could squirt out microholes."
-"Mira, there is more. I got to know that the secret directorate of the cosmotron prepared to annihilate the world rather than let it fall into the hands of american satanists. Mira, can i visit you? I love you"
tears came to my eyes. Becoming the tears of joy when she answered; -" Yes, come. I love you too. When will you go?"
-" I am getting on a midnight flight. It will be such a sweet adventure to travel through night, to find you ."







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